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We live in a society that has
all but forgotten the art of nurturing our young.
It should come as no surprise to a culture which
has promoted, legalized, and funded the slaughter
of her innocents for nearly thirty years. When children
are not wanted, there is no way they will be loved,
cherished, or deemed worthy of the time and dedication
needed to nurture them into responsible, virtuous
adults. Those of us who know and love God have a
high and holy calling to stand against the cultural
tide and nurture our children in the Ways of God.
The word nurture comes from the
same Latin root as does the word nurse and means
to nourish. Nurturing children then is the process
of training, rearing, and promoting the development
of our little ones. Through godly nurturing we place
in them the nourishment they need in order to grow
to their full potential in body, soul, and spirit.
Our society doesn’t even succeed in providing
healthy food for our children’s bodies; both
malnutrition and obesity that plague the younger
generation attest to this. Healthy food for the
soul and spirit is hardly considered at all.
Our Heavenly Father is the Ultimate
Nurturer. The Scriptures and Creeds refer to him
as God the Father, a familial name, implying relationship.
He is the One with whom we are in covenant, who
protects us and exercises loving authority over
us, who loves us, cares for us, teaches us, and
nurtures us by the example of His Son Jesus Christ
and by the power of the Holy Spirit actively at
work in our lives.
In the time of Moses, God gave
mankind instructions as to how we are to live, primarily
through the Ten Commandments. Then He spoke these
words, giving all of Israel the responsibility to
teach His statutes to succeeding generations. “Hear,
O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one! You
shall love the LORD your God with all your heart,
with all your soul, and with all your might. And
these words which I command you today shall be in
your heart; you shall teach them diligently to your
children, and shall talk of them when you sit in
your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie
down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them
as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets
between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts
of your house and on your gates.” (Deuteronomy
6:4-9)
During the years Jesus lived
as man among us here on earth, He perfectly modeled
this nurturing process of the Father. Before beginning
His active ministry, He chose twelve Apostles to
mentor. While engaged in teaching the multitudes,
healing the sick, and raising the dead, Jesus spent
the majority of His ministry time nurturing the
twelve. They traveled together, ate together, lodged
together; and He taught them moment by moment, through
example as well as by Word. These chosen men observed
their Lord at prayer, in the Temple, among the crowds,
with His mother. They listened to His wisdom as
time and again the religious leaders sought to trap
Him. They observed His selflessness, His humility,
His servanthood. They experienced His love, His
pain, His sorrow, His discipline, and through this
process, their souls and spirits grew. They were
mentored by the Son of God, and were admonished
to teach others as they had been taught.
We who live at the close of the
twentieth century are called to do the same. We
are to sit at the feet of the Son of God and learn
His Ways and then carefully nurture the next generation.
How well we accomplish this task is based upon the
depth of our own relationship which grows and develops
as we spend time with Him. In the nurturing of the
spirit of our children, we begin with prayer as
soon as we know conception has taken place, covering
our children with prayer from the womb forward.
We teach them to love God because we love God and,
little by little, they grow to love God also. They
learn to relate to God in a personal way as they
observe us praying, worshiping, and praising Him.
They also learn as we share Scripture with them
and teach them about the nature and character of
the One who created them, loves them, and died for
them.
Our children are further nurtured
by the Grace they receive at Baptism and through
the Body and Blood of our Lord through Holy Eucharist.
Their spirits are fed as they learn about the Holiness
of God, learn to reverence Him through the signs
and symbols of the Church, and experience the power
of the Holy Spirit at work in their lives.
Since we are Trinitarian beings,
the souls of our children must also be nurtured
along with their spirits, as their bodies grow from
year to year. Our souls are comprised of our mind,
will, emotions, and the thoughts and intentions
of the heart. Unfortunately, the education process
usually stresses the growth of the mind to the exclusion
of the soul and spirit. As our children grow in
knowledge, they must also mature in wisdom, which
is knowledge guided by understanding, particularly
understanding of the Ways of God. Proverbs 9:10
tells us “the fear of the Lord is the beginning
of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is
understanding.” Educating a child’s mind
without nurturing his soul and spirit will only
introduce facts and information; it will not teach
him how to live a godly life.
Since children learn
from our attitudes as well as our actions, we must
constantly be aware of what we are conveying to
our children by our daily life. Are we teaching
them honesty and integrity in business dealings
and relationships? They learn respect for others
in how we treat others and speak about others. What
are we teaching them in the way we drive our cars,
interact with salespeople, or tip waiters and waitresses?
Are we generous in giving to others, or are we teaching
our children selfishness? Do we push our way in
line, or do we invite others to go ahead of us?
What they learn from us in dealing with others will
most certainly be demonstrated in their relationships
with their siblings and others. What do we teach
our children about contentment if we gripe and complain
and are not content ourselves? Are our children
learning to value work (Jesus Himself was a carpenter)
or are they developing attitudes of laziness or
complacency? Are they learning the joy of serving
others, or do they expect to be served themselves?
All these things are learned through careful nurturing,
moment by moment, year in and year out.
Do our children know they are
loved unconditionally by God and by us? In other
words, just as God’s love for us is not based
upon our performance, beauty, or ability, but on
who we are as persons, so our love for our children
must be consistent, regardless of their failures.
As they grow in security, knowing they are unconditionally
loved by God and their parents, they will be able
to understand they do not have to win every argument,
or always need to be right. They will learn it is
OK to make mistakes, or not to be “the best”
in everything; in short, it’s all right not
to be perfect. Through a godly nurturing process
each child can grow to become the person God created
him to be, comfortable with his weaknesses as well
as his strengths.
Our children should also be taught
the importance of confession, repentance, and of
asking forgiveness of God and those whom they offend.
We must teach our children to take the low position,
seeing where they are wrong in each conflict (even
when they believe the other person is more wrong!).
This is learned most effectively by example, when
we as parents humble ourselves and confess and ask
forgiveness of our children when we have offended
them.
Children also need to learn to
express their feelings in healthy ways and to talk
them through when necessary. We need to really listen
and with God’s help try to understand the depth
of what is being expressed, and to teach our children
how to handle difficult feelings. Sometimes there
are legitimate hurts which need healing; perhaps
they need to forgive the offenders (even when the
situation is not resolved, such as in the case of
the abandonment by a parent, etc.). In other situations,
the child may need to give his anger to God, ask
a brother or sister for forgiveness, or simply choose
not to wallow in self-pity. They learn how to handle
their emotions safely and to resolve conflicts through
our example and our loving guidance as situations
arise.
On the practical side, children
in our society today learn how to operate the computer
and play video games, but have lost many of the
basic skills in the art of daily living. Conversation
is one such art where children must constantly be
called up higher. They should neither be allowed
to dominate, nor should they be ignored, but they
should be drawn into the conversation through the
parents’ careful questions and encouragement.
Unfortunately, the family meal where much of the
art of conversation is mastered is not even a part
of many homes today. With most families not eating
together, many other opportunities for nurturing
are also lost. The family meal is where manners
are learned, as well as gratefulness for the gifts
of food and family, and appreciation for those who
provided and prepared the meal. It is a wonderful
setting for teaching respect for parents and learning
the art of loving hospitality toward guests. Many
practical (but vanishing) skills are learned by
children of all ages, such as the proper setting
of a table, cooking and baking skills, stewardship
in using produce and leftovers in a timely fashion,
nutrition, cleanliness in food preparation, careful
dishwashing, etc. This is also a great time to be
with Mom. I still have fond memories of my sister’s
and my alternating time with Mom in the kitchen.
Just spending time alone with her while working
was an extremely valuable sharing time, not to mention
the skills I learned.
Working together with our children
in all aspects of life—cleaning the house,
raking leaves, running errands, and fixing broken
things are all part of mentoring and essential to
the successful preparation of our children for adulthood.
Throughout the whole process of learning these practical
things, they need to be constantly nurtured in the
Ways of God—integrity, humility, faithfulness,
generosity, etc. I believe the only hope for families
that are fragmented and shattered is to return to
God’s Plan of cherishing and nurturing our
young. “Blessed is every one who fears the
Lord, Who walks in His ways. When you eat the labor
of your hands, You shall be happy, and it shall
be well with you. Your wife shall be like a fruitful
vine In the very heart of your house, Your children
like olive plants All around your table.” Psalm
128:1-3 “Behold, children are a heritage from
the Lord, The fruit of the womb is His reward. Like
arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children
of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his
quiver full of them.” Psalm 127:3-5a So be
it in our world today!
These articles are copyrighted
by the Life In Jesus Community 1998.
Please feel free however to copy and distribute
them at no charge.
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